tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90362680000341300532024-03-05T10:42:45.171-08:00Ellen McCarty, Mindful YouthEllen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-69549767948586786072022-01-30T13:13:00.001-08:002022-01-30T13:13:17.547-08:0020 Years of Solitude (fundraiser for Burma)<p><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Book Synopsis</b>: </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Poppins; font-size: 14.3608px; white-space: pre-wrap;">When she was 23 years old, Ellen McCarty decided to face her fear of being alone and signed up for Buddhist warrior training in Southeast Asia (Burma). This story captures the myriad challenges she faced as she progressed from beginning to advanced mindfulness meditation practice at silent retreats in remote forest monasteries. This story is also about democracy and the beacon that America represents to millions of people around the world living under dictatorship. In Burma-Myanmar, decades of military dictatorship were overcome in 2007 by a non-violent protest movement led by Buddhist monks and nuns, known as the Saffron Revolution. Inner and outer liberation is the birthright of all human beings. May all people be free. </span></p><p><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Poppins; font-size: 14.3608px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; white-space: pre-wrap;">50% of the author’s net proceeds from this paperback book will be donated to the Burmese people</strong><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Poppins; font-size: 14.3608px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (link below). Donations will support non-violent protesters as they struggle to survive and restore their democracy after a February 2021 military coup, a tragic consequence of our own American president #45 announcing to the world (and to all aspiring dictators) that elections aren’t real and can be discarded. The book’s title is a dual reference to the evolution of my meditation practice over two decades and to the 20 years of house arrest endured by Democratic leader Aung San Suu Kyi in Burma. My hope is that this book will encourage international support for Burma’s National Unity Government (NUG) made up of deposed Democratic leaders elected in 2020 including Suu Kyi who are dedicated to a federal democracy with minority rights. Note: this book is not appropriate for minors.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Poppins; font-size: 14.3608px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>https://www.ellenmccarty.com/author</span><span style="font-family: Poppins;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14.3608px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Poppins;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhRHno2-XLg9cYPe1fTAGLpvDH-cFcg9m48NJ2dZugZ2xk0NpfA41-hcU_3kUOvrNcx6PkjhilN0foVUUmmS-mcPHUyQjmzFpSset6EP5o-joXwODpP7slYwjZC9B-cJSfPmj6LTOwVuLjcoUJS9UvF79y26MXkEVcGno0KOK8ocBAlgfZ_CjdXWtud=s527" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="359" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhRHno2-XLg9cYPe1fTAGLpvDH-cFcg9m48NJ2dZugZ2xk0NpfA41-hcU_3kUOvrNcx6PkjhilN0foVUUmmS-mcPHUyQjmzFpSset6EP5o-joXwODpP7slYwjZC9B-cJSfPmj6LTOwVuLjcoUJS9UvF79y26MXkEVcGno0KOK8ocBAlgfZ_CjdXWtud=s320" width="218" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: Poppins;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins;">Click links below to purchase</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Poppins;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14.3608px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://books.apple.com/us/book/20-years-of-solitude/id1599652171">$10 iBook on Apple Store</a></span></span></p><p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/1737510529/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=20%20years%20of%20solitude&qid=1634066177&s=books&sr=1-2">$20 Paperback on Amazon</a></p>Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-8553074044343638902019-02-18T09:24:00.000-08:002019-02-18T09:53:40.407-08:00When depressed, seek neutral ~ not happy<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #004080; font-family: "times new roman";">In
the Asian tradition of Vipassana meditation, all of life experience falls into
one of three categories: pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. New mindfulness
students tend to believe that the goal of meditation is to experience only calm
and happiness. In contrast, advanced meditation practitioners strive to
overcome aversion to unpleasant sensations by facing them and, in doing so, discover
the value of neutral. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">There’s a
humorous expression locals use in Maine, “You can’t get there from here,” spoken
dryly to any tourist asking for directions. The words are meant to discourage
tourism in the deep-woods state, but there is a wisdom to them that can be
applied to states of depression. Anyone who has tried to go directly from
depression to happiness knows that it’s not possible. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You can’t get there from here.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Bubbly happiness
or the fog of depression may sometimes seem solid, like personality types, when actually these mental states are different gears in the mind. When driving a
car, you have to shift to neutral before switching gears. Trying to shift
directly from 6<sup>th</sup> to 1<sup>st</sup> <sup><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></sup>(or any other gear) is either impossible
or, if great force is applied, damages the car. We see this damage when people are depressed and trying desperately to be happy and then beating themselves up, falling
into a downward spiral of worse for failing to be happy. The fault is not
theirs; our cultural roadmap to well-being is lacking. If you don’t drive, you
can think of neutral as “OK” mode. When wanting to shift from depression to happiness,
aim for feeling “OK” first. Find a neutral position. From a place of
neutrality, you can begin to see more objectively. You may be surprised to
realize that when you observe happiness deeply it is not actually pleasant but
a subtle form of agitation in the mind. If you can’t see that, enjoy your
happiness. The next time your happiness runs out, you can go on a meditation
retreat and look deeply once again. Conversely pain in the heart that seems
unbearable can be a seed of transformation and inner peace when faced. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Grief and
depression tend to arise during big life transitions because the mind is seeking
stability that isn’t there and, not finding it, the mind longs for the
stability of the past or expectations of a future that cannot be grasped. It’s
hard to undergo the strengthening process of finding our own way through the
unknown, supported only by our own deepening roots. The reward of facing the
unknown and adversity is a depth of wisdom and autonomy that cannot be achieved
through surface happiness, by bouncing from one form of pleasure to the next.
The safest vehicle I’ve found through life’s uncertainties and adversities,
when the stress of transition is overwhelming, is a state of neutrality. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">For me, the
Buddhist symbol of the Dharmacharya is a clear representation of neutrality. While
the spokes of the wheel symbolize the 8 aspects of a moral human life, it is
the center of the symbol that is special to me: a small knot at the center of
the wheel that symbolizes discipline. This is a neutral discipline. This type
of discipline does not arise out of ego. It is not discipline in order to become
more beautiful or stronger or better than other people. The Dharmacharya’s quality
of discipline is simply a place to rest the mind in the present moment. It’s
that simple. The mind is so attached to thinking about the past and future that
when you begin to be mindful of each present moment in the rush of daily life,
your attention may feel a bit wobbly, like it doesn’t know where to focus. Acting
with gentle discipline in the world gives our mind a neutral, stable place to
rest in the present. By gently organizing ourselves and our environment – ever-changing
– we come to know the quiet space of the Zen master. We are more willing to be
present with the emptiness of life’s transitions and, in being so, create space
for peace to arise within ourselves and our environment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDbh3T0bdLAy8d4Pt01g_czEtSZMLY46YfD05vtJhECTogBj9h7maAKTgcs4SQ8VF9V3QTrLTs383XEyPwzm2OTvF9lXJzBTJrsdEZ0jZF3UiN4d9s33pTylKz9WivGK4BRLh5t-_7Cms/s1600/NeutralBlogPic.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDbh3T0bdLAy8d4Pt01g_czEtSZMLY46YfD05vtJhECTogBj9h7maAKTgcs4SQ8VF9V3QTrLTs383XEyPwzm2OTvF9lXJzBTJrsdEZ0jZF3UiN4d9s33pTylKz9WivGK4BRLh5t-_7Cms/s1600/NeutralBlogPic.JPG" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The Dharmacharya wheel represents the 8-part moral path that
protects against suffering, with each spoke representing 1) right view or
understanding of truth, 2) right speech, 3) right intention, 4) right action,
5) right effort, 6) right livelihood, 7) right mindfulness, and 8) right
concentration. The center represents discipline. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 13.333333015441895px;">Photo by Ellen McCarty.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 13.333333015441895px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">If you think
you’re superior to other people – congratulations, you have good karma but
you’re not enlightened. Too much good karma can actually hinder moral
development if a person is caught in a delusion of superiority. We can trace
the human drive for superiority to the Ancient Greeks. In the first Olympics,
there were no second or third places, only first. Any competitor who didn’t win
1<sup>st</sup> place in the Olympic games was shunned. Unfortunately it seems that deep within our modern subconscious lies a destructive Western belief that if we are not superior to
others – if we are not special – then we do not exist. Hence Alexander the
Great won his name from an unethical life of war and conquest. By dominating
others he became “great.” In contrast in Buddhism and other indigenous cultural
traditions, both superiority and inferiority are considered forms of mental
illness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Any wise person recognizes
that all beings are equal. Every single life is valuable and has its place in
the biosphere. This understanding of equality is what creates our sense of
belonging and peace. The moment we choose superiority or inferiority, our
connection to others breaks and we feel separated, isolated, out-of-place, dissatisfied. How
ironic that our drive to be special and superior undermines our desire for
well-being. Striving for a superior position is so deeply rooted in Western
culture that it is wise to carefully evaluate any choices we might be
making in order to appear superior to others. Superiority is a mental state of
self-defense, not connection. Fortunately practicing equality is contagious because
the value of equality resonates with all of us at a deeper level. It reminds us
of our true home, which is our interconnectedness to each other. In this light,
jealousy is pointless. The carrier of gifts does not matter. Each person’s
unique gifts are meant to benefit everyone. As you wait for the universe to
weave its tapestry of gifts and transitions through time, tend to your suffering. Suffering can be
a mechanism of destruction or enlightenment depending on one’s choice to
escape it or face it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Suffering is one
way to lose our sense of superiority and develop fearless
compassion. It is a blessing in disguise. The challenge in the midst of
suffering then becomes not to fall into a pit of inferiority and despair. When
life is full of adversity and transitions into the unknown, we can support our
well-being by making an intention to cultivate the10 </span><i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">paramis</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, or ancient universal perfections (translated below from
the Pali language) as well as neutral discipline. In this way, even a difficult life is not wasted. We refine
our minds and this process of refinement slowly dries up the roots of
suffering. Each morning, I read the 10 </span><i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">paramis</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
in Pali to remember them because in our modern, materialistic world it is easy to get lost in the fog and forget higher intentions and the purpose of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The 10 <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Paramis</i> or universal perfections</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">:<u><o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 31.5pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Dana</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, generosity and service<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Sila</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, virtue and morality<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Khanti</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, patience<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Adhitthana</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, endurance and determination<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Viriya</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, energy and effort<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Panna</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, wisdom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Sacca</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, truthfulness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Metta</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, loving kindness and compassion<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Upekkha</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, equanimity, peace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Nekkhamma</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">, renunciation <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">It is important
to note that the Buddhist principle of moderation arose out of renunciation or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nekkhama</i>, which can be dangerous in
excess. In the Buddha’s time, he came across ascetics who practiced such severe
renunciation that they were starving. In this deprived state, the ascetics were
unable to acquire wisdom. The Buddha taught moderation as a wonderful balance
to the pursuit of perfection. Patience also protects the mind from extremes. Do
not forget to enjoy your life and dance in the sunshine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Sometimes we
choose renunciation. We can ordain in our various religious orders and give up
our worldly possessions. But sometimes renunciation chooses us: when we lose our
home or our health or our loved ones, or when we don’t get what we want in life.
Renunciation is difficult but whether we choose it or whether it chooses us, if
we let it, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nekkhamma</i> is a universal
perfection that yields wisdom and inner peace. Resistance to renunciation is
human. After a time of mourning, we must choose to face loss and experience its
strengthening and deepening processes in order to benefit from it. This
acceptance of what is can be part of humble, neutral discipline. We choose to
continue to be present with our human lives, to willingly participate in backbreaking or heartbreaking cycles of sowing and reaping with the intention
to become better people over time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">When I ordained
as a Silashin nun at age 23, my head was shaved by Burmese nuns at a ceremony in Yangon (Rangoon). I expected to feel sadness about the loss of hair but was surprised to feel profound relief
that my value had nothing to do with beauty. When we let go of everything we
think we need in order to be happy, ironically we find that well-being is our true nature. We are love. We are peace. We are equal. Acquiring dilutes what
we are. Renunciation, chosen or not, teaches us to let go of what we think we
want so we can recognize what can never be destroyed: our true value which is
equal to all others. To recognize this is to cultivate a feeling of
interconnectedness, which protects against the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kilesas</i>, a Pali word that roughly translates as negative mental
states or “inner demons.” The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kilesas</i>
are strongest when we pursue a path of the separate self via superiority or
inferiority, both of which depend on a mind focused on acquisition rather than
renunciation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The perfection
of renunciation is the opposite of beliefs such as the Law of Attraction. This
“law” is a reflection of our society’s cult of materialism: the belief that our
purpose in life is to acquire and get what we want and that the more we
acquire, the happier we are. This is a rose-colored view of greed. In reality,
acquisition as one’s life purpose is a superficial view of one’s own potential.
Our lives were meant to be deeper and more noble than that. Renunciation
helps us discover that our deepest need is not happiness and acquisition but peace
and interconnectedness. Every major religion in the world teaches this: the
path of peace. We are not here to acquire pleasures but to let go of all things.
If life does not teach us this, death and dying will. We are all powerless in
the face of death. Giving up all forms of power over others before death, we
live in harmony with reality. Renunciation, letting go of what we think we know
and want, is a gateway to inner peace that eclipses happiness. In a state of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">upekkha</i>, you will not want superiority
or excessive wealth, which like any addiction is never satiable. In alpine
Europe, the word <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gemütlichkeit</i>
captures the cosiness of a simple life - the spirit of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just enough</i>, the ability to take care of oneself happily without
excess, which allows all other human beings to take care of themselves with
just enough, too. What a beautiful concept.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Nothing in excess. Know thyself.</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> The ancient Greeks were also wise. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Excess allows a
person to live in a constant state of pleasure, or escape, avoiding knowledge
of self. The self has pleasant, unpleasant and neutral aspects. It is the unpleasant aspects of the self that drive us into escape, into a pursuit of superiority. We have to make a conscious decision to face these unpleasant aspects or our lives will be shaped by the <i>kilesas</i> not our higher selves. You can
recognize this directly by honestly evaluating the meaningfulness of your own
life. If you notice that living in excess – constantly escaping unpleasants by
seeking pleasant experiences – creates a quality of meaninglessness in your
life, you can shift from the path of greed to explore a path of moderation.
Examine every area of your life and gradually reduce the amount you have so
that you have just enough. Notice if you are holding onto anything to support your
need for superiority. Ask yourself if this excess is truly making you happy. Notice
how your mind feels before, during and after each practice of renunciation and
follow the peace. Note: when you give to
others, it is more beneficial to give in person not just mail a check. Our
modern cult of materialism teaches us that the poor need the rich but actually the
rich need the poor. Serving the poor and those who are suffering is a gateway
to enlightenment, also defined as the freedom from aversion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">If you want to
face your inner demons as a process of renunciation, give up the pursuit of
happiness as a form of acquisition of people and things in the external world.
Renunciation clears away external distractions so that we can turn inward and
take the time to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know thyself</i>.
Transitioning from a modern life of escape to an ancient practice of facing the
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kilesas</i> can be a shock at first so make
an intention to overcome aversion to your self. Cultivate loving kindness
towards yourself and realize that all the gears of the mind have something of
value to offer. The more gears we are willing to experience – unpleasant,
pleasant and neutral – the wiser and more compassionate we become. On intensive
retreat, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kilesas</i> reveal themselves as
simply deeply unpleasant sensations. We can be compassionate and understand the
depression that arises when kilesas drive us into the deceptive web of our materialistic world,
which is caught in the illusion of a separate self – glamorizing superiority.
This thick cultural fog blocks our sense of interconnectedness. Fortunately fog
is relatively easy to dispel if we know how to recognize it and navigate it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Intelligence, sensitivity
and depression tend to go together because to understand the modern world is to
understand the construct of the separate self and its profound suffering. It
can be overwhelming to the sensitive person who has the ability to face and
perceive this construct. Constructs can be ideological or physical in nature;
they can also be changed but to change them requires engagement with the world.
By that I mean we have to reinforce our will to live and our will to face
unpleasant sensations and great pain in order to train and refine our minds and
hearts. We have to want to be here, to live. We have to be willing to cultivate
mastery of our minds in the world autonomously, even when we are alone and our
path to interconnectedness is not yet clear, even when suffering seems
unbearable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">When our will to
live is weak, when we don’t see the value of this physical world and cannot
face its pain, we disengage and check out. Our smart phones, media
entertainment and video games have trained our minds to become experts at escape,
at going into a blank state when the physical world becomes unpleasant, so we
need to exert effort to pop out of that escapism into a present awareness of
reality as it is. Our roots cannot deepen unless we are present. When exerting
effort, it is important to use <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">viriya</i>,
or right effort. It is very easy to be lazy or too aggressive with ourselves. Western
culture was built on aggressiveness; it is one of the reasons sensitive people
check out in the first place. Right effort is an antidote to that aggression –
it is simply a neutral and gentle shift of attention to the present moment. It
doesn’t matter whether the present moment is pleasant or unpleasant. The benefit
of this shift of attention to the present moment occurs either way. Note: This
discipline should arise out of internal motivation not external pressure from
an adult, which can deepen a young person’s depression if they cannot measure
up for example, to adult expectations of discipline. When trying to help
others, be sure to practice the perfection of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">khanti</i>, a patience so gentle it does not need suffering to end. Seek
to inspire others through deepening your own discipline and meditation practice rather
than forcing mindfulness on others, which is actually not possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">As we are
willing to remain present with unpleasant experiences and pain, we become less
afraid and experience less aversion. Our mind becomes more stable, able to observe
and face what is. We stop focusing on the concepts of suffering and allow our
mind to rest in the neutrality, simplicity and clarity of the present moment. We
enjoy our deepening roots in times of uncertainty. As we cultivate neutral discipline, our meditation practice and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">paramis</i> with a desire to serve others rather than
dominate them, synchronicities start to occur. We end up at the right place at
the right time. We connect with the right people and experiences. When we are alone, we trust the natural world
to reveal our place within it. We
discover the quiet self where emotions dissolve into a peace that is greater
than our individual selves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The same day I wrote
the first draft of this blog on August 7, 2017, I was given a horoscope cut from that day’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">San Francisco Chronicle</i>:
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Let go of those things that have outlived their purpose,
invest your energy in dawning affections and aspirations and you’ll see that
you really can get there from here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I smiled. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">From a neutral position,
all directions are possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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2018 Copyright by Ellen McCarty. All rights reserved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-28864644227085212442017-04-09T10:23:00.002-07:002017-04-09T15:02:53.263-07:00Mindfulness in Special Education<span style="color: blue;">Recent research reveals that even when students with developmental disabilities are not able to practice mindfulness meditation, they still benefit behaviorally and emotionally when family members practice in the home. I reference this research during my family workshops and by request, am posting the full 11-page paper, <i>Mindfulness as an Intervention Strategy</i>, co-written with my colleague Pam Steffensen-Korges as part of my SJSU coursework (completed in 2016). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Abstract</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Children
with developmental disabilities often suffer from unique stressors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The unremitting aspect of their disability,
possible lack of social acceptance and support, and the absence of acceptance
by their families can all contribute to chronic stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aggression and behavior problems that are
comorbid with many developmental disabilities can further impact feelings of
stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Due to the fact that parental
stress also has a negative effect on child behavior and upon the parent-child
relationship, it is imperative that both parents and children receive help with
stress reduction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More than three
decades of research on the secular Mindfulness in Medicine movement, more
widely known as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) training, has
demonstrated that mindfulness can alleviate stress, anxiety, and depression in
many individuals (Felver, Doerner, Jones, Kaye, & Merrell, 2013). The
effect of mindfulness on the quality of parenting has been shown to lead to a
reduction in aggression and an increase in pro-social behaviors and compliance
by younger children with special needs. In 2007 the non-profit Mindful Schools
began a Mindfulness in Education curriculum that is now practiced in schools in
more than 42 countries. Mindful Schools defines mindfulness as simply paying
attention to anything in the present moment and its curriculum has yielded
dramatic increases in attention span, empathy and self care in urban youth
(Black & Fernando, 2013). </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Parallel research in the field of
neuroscience has revealed that mindfulness training is effective because it
actually changes the brain, increasing activity and gray matter in the
hippocampus and prefrontal cortext, centers of learning, sound judgment and
emotional regulation, while decreasing activity and gray matter in the
amygdala, the fight-or-flight center of the brain which can inhibit learning,
emotional regulation and attention span (Lutz, Slagter, Dunne, & Davidson,
2008; Hölzel, Carmody, Evans, Hoge, Dusek, Morgan, Lazar, 2010; Chiesa &
Serretti, 2010; Goldin & Gross, 2010; Hölzel, Carmody, Vangel, Congleton,
Yerramsetti, Gard, & Lazar, 2011; Desbordes, Negi, Pace, Wallace, Raison,
& Schwartz, 2012). </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While
research regarding mindfulness curricula specifically designed for special
education is still in its infancy, extensive studies on mindfulness to date
demonstrate that the practice can be a powerful tool in building a happier,
less stressful future for all children, including those with developmental
disabilities, and their parents. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
Definition of Mindfulness</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Core
Concepts</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Mindfulness,
as a concept, begins with awareness and attention, and can be defined as
attending to the present moment and observing it without judgment (Brown &
Ryan, 2003).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being fully conscious of
the present moment, accepting both the moment and the emotions it arouses, and
acknowledging one’s feelings non-judgmentally are important facets of
mindfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mindfulness allows the
practitioner to react to situations in a calmer and more peaceful way, less
dependent upon emotions, and more in harmony with the situation at hand
(Shapiro, Carlson, Astin, & Freeman, 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mindfulness has a component of radical acceptance, which means the
complete and total acceptance of things as they truly are, not as the individual
wishes them to be (Singh et al, 2010a). It is important to note that while
mindfulness shares similarities with cognitive-based therapies (CBT), it is
distinct in that CBT seeks to intentionally change thought patterns and related
emotional responses while mindfulness is designed to change a person’s
relationship to an observed experience without trying to control or revise
thoughts and emotions because trying to control thoughts and emotions can lead to greater distress<span style="color: blue;"> </span>(Metz et al., 2013).<span style="color: red;"> </span>The
practice of mindfulness meditation has its roots in contemplative Buddhism but
can be used as a strictly secular application divorced from religious dogma
(Brown & Ryan, 2003).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be
effective, mindfulness skills must be practiced regularly over time, as it is a
way of experiencing the present moment that does not occur naturally. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindfulness as an
Intervention Strategy at Home </span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Children with developmental
disabilities comprise approximately 13% of the U.S. school age population, and
most of them receive some type of special education services (National Center
for Education Statistics, 2014).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Additionally, nearly 13% to 30% of these special needs children have
comorbid behavioral problems (Singh et al., 2007b).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The needs of these children do not stop once
they leave the school grounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They go
home at the end of their school day to parents who are quite often tired,
stressed, and incapable of reacting to behavioral problems with patience and
thoughtfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Responding with empathy
and compassion to behavioral situations and emotional needs necessitates a
level of attention, calmness, and flexibility that many parents of children
with special needs are unable to summon at the end of the day (Benn, Akiva,
& Arel, 2012).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Research has shown that parents of
children diagnosed with developmental disabilities are subjected to an elevated
level of chronic emotional strain and anxiety when compared to parents of
children who do not have developmental disabilities (Singh et al., 2007b).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Additional research has found children’s
behavior problems, more so than their level of cognitive functioning, have a
substantial effect upon parental stress (Baker et al., 2003).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Negative and maladaptive behaviors increase
parental stress, each component building upon the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This suggests a transactional relationship between
parents and children (Neece, Green, & Baker, 2012).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both parent and child have a significant
influence upon each other’s behavior (Singh et al., 2007b). <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">An intervention that has been
particularly successful with individuals suffering from anxiety and stress is
mindfulness (Brown & Ryan, 2003).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mindfulness, as a practice, also aids in supporting emotional health
(Shapiro, Carlson, Astin, & Freeman, 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Training in mindfulness teaches parents to focus on one thing at a time
(Singh et al., 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It enables parents
to be in the precise moment where they currently reside, instead of focusing on
the past, when they are dealing with their child’s maladaptive behaviors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can have a transformational effect upon
the lives of its practitioners and those they interact with (Singh et al.,
2010b).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mindfulness can be a valuable
tool in managing the stress of parents of children diagnosed with developmental
disabilities, and as a result, in reducing problem behaviors in their children
in the present, and can give children the tools they need to help themselves in
the future.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and
Mindfulness-Based Parent Training</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Research on mindfulness intervention
strategies for parents has focused on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
training and Mindfulness-Based Parent Training (MBPT) (Dumas, 2005).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For over three decades, MBSR has been used to
treat anxiety, stress, and depression. MBSR has also been used to help patients
deal with chronic pain and illness. Participants are taught mindful breathing
techniques and body awareness, along with stretching. They are then taught how
to incorporate these skills into everyday life to help reduce stress, pain, and
depression (Felver et al., 2013). The effectiveness of MBSR has been established
as an evidence-based practice and MBSR instruction is offered by medical
centers all across the United States (Felver et al., 2013). </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindfulness-Based Parent Training
(MBPT) is a program that has applications more directly related to
parenting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It teaches mindfulness within
the context of everyday events, training parents to view both their behavior
and their child’s behavior in an open-minded way (Dumas, 2005).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This allows parents to observe the activation
of their negative emotions but not react to them, which allows them to develop
parenting objectives that are facilitated by specific behavioral plans (Dumas,
2005).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>MBPT uses a three-pronged
approach: facilitative listening, distancing, and motivated action plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Facilitative listening consists of parents
sharing concerns and experiences with a clinician, and receiving nonjudgmental
acceptance in return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Distancing teaches
parents to separate themselves from practicing unhealthy patterns of negative feelings
and thoughts, and also to recognize that they are not their thoughts, that
their thoughts are just one part of who they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Motivated action plans assist parents with
planning out how to reach their behavior goals with their children (Dumas, 2005).
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Outcomes of Parental Mindfulness Training
Upon Children</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It
appears that it is possible for parents to change the externalizing behavior of
their children with developmental disabilities simply by changing their own
behavior, however most behavioral interventions have focused purely upon
managing the child’s conduct and behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mindful parenting focuses on first changing parental behavior and, as a
result, the nature of interactions with the child, which in turn, influences
the child’s behavior (Singh et al., 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Parents taught MBSR over a period of 8 weeks, beginning with the
concepts of mindfulness and mindfulness exercises and ending with group
discussions with other parents, not only experienced dramatic decreases in
stress and depression but they also reported meaningful improvement in their
general satisfaction with life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Researchers found that mindfulness can aid parents in slowing down to
listen to their children and to be less reactive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This calm and serene reaction on behalf of
the parent has a definite positive influence upon the child (Neece, 2014).</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Research conducted with mothers of children
diagnosed with autism found that maladaptive behaviors, such as aggression,
non-compliance, and self-injury, were significantly decreased when mothers were
practicing mindfulness (Singh et al., 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a Virginia-based study, these mothers were taught MBPT mindfulness
training from homecare providers over a period of 12 weeks, and both their
children’s behavior and their own parenting satisfaction levels were
measured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Researchers found a
considerable spill over effect from the mindfulness training.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only did the externalizing behaviors of
their children decrease, the mothers had more positive feelings about their
parenting, their communication, and their relationship with their autistic
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The focus of the mothers moved
from trying to control or change the behavior of their autistic children toward
a more accepting and non-judgmental attitude that in turn, actually changed the
behavior of the child (Singh et al., 2006).</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
a similar study, when mothers of children with autism were instructed in
mindfulness skills, not only did the previous self-injurious, noncompliant, and
aggressive behaviors of the autistic children decrease, their interactions with
other family members and siblings became more positive (Singh et al.,
2007b).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 12 weeks of mindfulness
training, mothers rated their satisfaction with parenting as more positive, and
their children’s maladaptive behaviors diminished or ceased altogether.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The children were not taught any mindfulness
techniques, yet the negative interactions with their siblings declined and
their positive interactions increased.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The effects of mindfulness training are
even more salient when the child is taught the technique, either at the same
time as the parent or in subsequent trainings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Non-compliance is often an issue with children who have been diagnosed
with ADHD (Singh et al., 2010b).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Research
has revealed that mindfulness training for children with ADHD, without any
specific focus on self-management of ADHD, not only increased their compliance
to their mother’s requests, it also changed the quality of the interactions
between the child and their mothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
interactions were regarded in a much more positive light, and the children
stated that their mothers did not yell at them anymore and were much more calm
with them (Singh et al., 2010b).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
children reported feeling that their mothers listened to them without judgment
and, by the end of the study, both the children and the mothers had
significantly higher ratings of satisfaction in their communication with each
other.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindfulness
as an Intervention Strategy at School</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindful Schools</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The success of Mindfulness-Based
Interventions (MBIs) in medicine and in the home via MBSR motivated educators
to seek ways to bring mindfulness into the classroom. The first large-scale
mindfulness-based intervention in education was designed and implemented in
2007 by the Oakland-based non-profit Mindful Schools, which modeled its
curriculum after MBSR while making its lessons more simple and concrete, and
therefore more appropriate for K-6 elementary school children than the
adult-centric MBSR program. The initial Mindful Schools curriculum, implemented
in schools between 2007 and 2013, was comprised of 15 short lessons lasting an
average of 15-20 minutes (4 hours total) delivered at school sites by
experienced meditation practitioners over two-month periods. Table 2, extracted
from a UC Davis Department of Psychology study conducted in partnership with
Mindful Schools, summarizes each of the 15 lessons in its curriculum: Mindful
Bodies & Listening, Mindfulness of Breathing, Heartfulness (Kind Thoughts),
Body Awareness, Mindfulness of Breathing, Generosity, Mindfulness of Thought,
Caring on the Playground, Mindfulness of Emotions, Slow Motion, Gratitude,
Mindful Walking, Mindful Eating and Mindful Test Taking <span style="color: #674ea7;">(</span>Black & Fernando, 2013). A study conducted in 2011-12 in
East Bay elementary schools validated this curriculum, documenting significant
improvement among low-income urban students in all four target development
categories: mental, emotional, social and physical (Black & Fernando,
2013). Most notable was the increase in attention span by more than double and
improved empathy and self-care among violence-exposed youth (Black &
Fernando, 2013). As a result, Mindful Schools’ curriculum was used as the basis
for many other education-based MBIs such as <span style="color: windowtext;">the
Canadian in-schools program MindUp. (Schonert-Reichl, et al., 2015).</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Meditation on the Soles of the Feet </span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Research has been conducted with
adolescents diagnosed with different developmental disabilities regarding the
effects of teaching a specific mindfulness program, Meditation on the Soles of
the Feet (SoF). SoF instruction is effective in teaching adolescents with
developmental and intellectual disabilities to manage their own aggression,
instead of relying on external cues. (Singh et al., 2011b). Adolescents were
taught to direct their attention to a neutral area of their body, the soles of
their feet, when they were in a situation that could trigger aggression. A
group of three adolescents with <span style="color: windowtext;">autism were
taught SoF during a 17 week period, after which the rates of aggression were
reported at half the previous rate. At a four-year follow up, there had been no
instances of aggression at all (Singh et al., 2011b). </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A parallel study conducted with
three adolescents with autism who were taught SoF had similar results (Singh et
al., 2011a). After learning to self manage their aggression by changing their
focus to the soles of their feet, these adolescents were able to reduce
reported episodes of aggression to one episode a year over a period of three
years. SoF has also been proven to help adolescents with psychiatric disorders,
such as conduct disorder, to self manage their aggressive behavior (Singh et
al., 2007a). Self management is crucial as adolescents grow into adulthood,
move out into the community, and strive to become independent. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindfulness Training For General
Education Students</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Low-income urban youth are subjected to
severe environmental challenges such as violence and substance abuse that can
cause chronic stress. Long-term childhood adversity can trigger neurobiological
changes in brain development, impairing cognitive and emotional regulation
which can cause rumination and depression and set students on a path of low
academic achievement and negative social outcomes (Mendelson et al., 2010).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Urban schools that are most in need of
psychological supports for their students are least likely to have the funds to
provide that support. The low-cost and low-time investment of MBIs and their
proven effectiveness in creating healthy changes in brain development, therefore,
makes them ideal intervention strategies for education (Zenner,
Herrnleben-Kurz, & Walach, 2014; Schonert-Reichl et al., 2015). Most
critically, mindfulness training reduces the activity of the amygdala, the
brain center that regulates the fight-or-flight response that when chronically
active, reduces the ability to concentrate and limits centers of the brain that
control learning and sound judgment (Siegel, 2007). More recent chronic
academic stress among students in wealthier school districts is yielding
mental, physical, and academic problems akin to their low-income peers. Today
21% percent of all 13 to 18 year olds in the United States have been diagnosed
with a severe disorder, the most common being ADHD, conduct disorders, anxiety,
and depression (Zenner et al., 2014). </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindful School identifies three major
areas of benefit regarding mindfulness training in education: cognitive
outcomes such as attention span and focus, social emotional skills like
emotional regulation, good behavior in schools, empathy, social skills and a
healthy perspective and finally a high level of well-being, created by reduced
test anxiety, reduced stress, reduced post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
symptoms and reduced depression. Mindfulness training’s effectiveness in
increasing student attention span also reduces the need for behavior management
in the classroom (Black & Fernando, 2013: Baijal, Jha, Kiyonaga, Singh,
& Srinivasan, 2011). </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Additional benefits are felt across the
socio-economic spectrum and across all grade levels. A 12-week mindfulness
intervention in Baltimore elementary schools was found to reduce stress,
anxiety, emotional, and behavioral reactivity while improving self-awareness
and sleep among inner-city youth (Mendelson et al., 2010). In another Baltimore
study, 350 low-income 5th-8th grade students demonstrated significantly lower
levels of depression, negative emotion, self-hostility, and PTSD symptoms after
taking an 8-week MBSR program (Sibinga, Webb, Ghazarian, & Ellen, 2016).
Another MBSR-based program in Pennsylvania Learning to BREATHE found
statistically lower stress levels and higher levels of emotional regulation
among the 216 general education high school students who completed its 4.5-hour,
6-part program (Metz et al., 2013). One hundred 4th and 5th graders enrolled in
the Canadian mindfulness-based social and emotional learning (SEL) program
MindUp demonstrated improved cognitive control and stress-response physiology,
greater empathy, perspective, emotional control, optimism and peer acceptance
as well as decreased depression and peer aggression (Schonert-Reichl et al.,
2015).</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="normal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Reflection
on Mindfulness</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9036268000034130053" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
2014 review and meta-analysis summarizing the findings of 24 different mindfulness
studies found that mindfulness training is an effective intervention strategy
in schools but has a stronger effect when it is accompanied by extended
mindfulness practice at home (Zenner, Herrnleben-Kurz, & Walach, 2014).
When taught mindfulness techniques as an adolescent, students with
developmental disabilities are better equipped to control and manage their
behavior in adulthood. If their parents have been practicing mindfulness from
early on in their lives, there will be an even stronger foundation for
nonjudgmental acceptance, gratitude, and positive behaviors that are crucial
for happiness and a good quality of life as an adult with developmental
disabilities. Reducing negative behaviors is critical for full integration into
a community and for positive rapport with community services workers (Singh et
al., 2013). Providing mindfulness as a support for students and their families
can significantly increase self-regulation, optimism, and moral reasoning and
increased odds of becoming smarter, happier, and more caring citizens
(Schonert-Reichl et al., 2015; Zenner, Herrnleben-Kurz, & Walach,
2014).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The focus of mindfulness is the changing of
one’s thoughts and behavior. This depth of change requires dedication and
practice (Singh et al., 2004).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Viewing
and experiencing behavior through a lens of neutrality, rather than labeling it
as good or bad, allows parents of children diagnosed with developmental
disabilities to practice a calm acceptance of the present moment (Singh et al.,
2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The focus of radical acceptance
requires not only the initial mindfulness training, but also regular daily
practice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as an athlete must
practice to keep their skills and performance levels high, the practice of being
mindful requires commitment and devotion in order to be effective (Singh et
al., 2006).</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
other words, mindfulness works best when the practitioner uses it regularly and
purposefully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In order to reap the
benefits of mindfulness, parents and children with developmental disabilities<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>need to make a conscious effort to
incorporate the practice into their daily lives (Singh et al., 2006).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mindfulness is not effective if the
practitioner decides not to make use of it or to only use it sparingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ongoing practice is the key to successful
change (Singh et al., 2010b). </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When parents receive a diagnosis of a
developmental disability for their child, some form of mindfulness training
should be offered to them alongside of therapies prescribed for the child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Parents should be informed about the
effectiveness of mindfulness for the reduction of stress and anxiety and the
reciprocal relationship between parental stress and child behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Using mindfulness as a strategy would prevent
parents of developmentally disabled children from being so heavily afflicted by
stress from the beginning of the child’s diagnosis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This could conceivably stave off problem
behaviors by children that are a reaction to stress in the home, and form a
solid foundation for the self-management of aggressive behaviors for these
children later on in life.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="OLE_LINK4"></a></b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="OLE_LINK3"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>References</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></a></div>
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Singh, R., & Srinivasan, N. (2011). The influence of</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">concentrative
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Baker, B., McIntyre, L. L., Blacher,
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Benn, R., Akiva, T., & Arel, S.
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Black, D. S., & Fernando, R.
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Singh, N. N., Lancioni, G. E., Winton,
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<span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Singh, N. N., Lancioni, G. E., Winton,
A. S. W., Singh, J., Curtis, W. J., Wahler, R. G., &</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">McAleavey,
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A. S. W., Singh, J., Singh, A. N., Adkins, A. D., & </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Wahler,
R. G. (2010a). Training in mindful caregiving transfers to parent-child </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">interactions.
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Singh, J., Winton, A.S.W., & Adkins, A. (2010b). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Mindfulness
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9036268000034130053" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-51705835078047094112017-01-22T15:29:00.002-08:002017-01-22T15:49:43.718-08:00The Art of Compassionate Detachment<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: blue;">We do not do good work in the world to change the world.
That is impossible. We do good work in the world to change ourselves, our
hearts. Many suffragettes and civil rights activists died before seeing the
change they sowed. Mindfulness helps us find that place of balance between
“caring too much” and “caring too little” where we have the life-long
commitment and endurance necessary to effect long-term social change.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is natural to feel urgency in the face of suffering. We
want to end pain quickly – both in our own lives and in the lives of others.
This sense of urgency can save lives but it can also become an obstacle to
long-term, lasting social change. In modern society, daily tasks like finding
water (turning on the tap) or entertainment (watching TV) have become so
effortless that there is a modern expectation that all of our needs should be
met so effortlessly and that if the answers aren’t instant or short-term, they
must be wrong or impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This ease
and speed of modern life does not prepare us to face social injustice and other
obstacles to change. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stripping our lives of entertainment and bringing ourselves
back to discipline rooted in loving kindness and patience while on a meditation
retreat, we face difficult emotions in a container that helps us get to know
and understand ourselves in the face of controlled hardship. We notice that
even boredom can be excruciating. We learn that the mind is a very big place
and that our capacity for endurance and compassion – as well as self-change –
is far greater than we ever expected. We learn to work with emotional
resistance to discipline, to discomfort and change. We also learn that it takes
time to improve anything and that trying to speed the process and force change
almost always backfires. Patience is the lost art we must reclaim if we want
change that endures.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Evolution & time<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When facing a long-term crisis, whether it is our own or
part of broader social injustice, it is important to remember that beneath the
frenetic, instant-results, instant-satisfaction and stress of modern life,
there remains within us a very different relationship with time. Time has a
longer, evolutionary quality to it as well. The human species has been evolving
for 250,000 years. A true foundation of social change and self-change is rooted
in this second, evolutionary relationship with time. It is patient and has the
emotional endurance to face difficulty for decades from a standpoint of faith
in the innate ability within all human beings to evolve. When we fail to
acquire faith in our capacity to evolve, our efforts peter out and fall short.
When one has deep faith in one’s own capacity for change, this is one avenue to
detachment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Detachment, social justice & special
education<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Detachment does not mean an absence of caring. On the
contrary, it is that place in the mind where we are balanced, emotionally
neutral yet engaged and able to discern when to take appropriate action while
being patient and accepting the way things are temporarily. It is deep faith in
oneself and one’s life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Deep mindfulness practice is especially critical for parents
and educators who are trying to help children with special needs. Being a
parent or educator is always challenging even when children perform in a way
that is considered normal or above average. A child with special needs often
faces endless uphill battles that have emotional consequences for the child and
ripple effects for the family and community, including that child’s educators.
Facing the pain and frustration these children must endure, parents and
educators can experience profound loss of faith, helplessness, desperation and
an urgency to fix the situation quickly. This blog addresses how mindfulness
can benefit adults facing complex suffering that may last decades within their
own lives or in the lives of the people or children they are trying to help. It
is intended to be a balm for those brave enough to face social injustice not
just for one day, but every day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Caring too little<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One coping strategy when faced with overwhelming problems or
social ills is to ignore them. In education, this often manifests as “that
child can’t be helped.” This mentality is a great disservice not only to the
child but also to the educator simply because it isn’t true. It is far more
accurate to say, “As an educator, I haven’t figured out how to help this child,
but maybe someone else has developed a technique that works or maybe someone
will in the future.” This is an honest, accurate capture of what is happening.
Children who hear a person of authority (a teacher or parent) say that their
situation is hopeless and cannot be helped can internalize that statement,
develop lower self-esteem and give up on themselves. This is a profound tragedy
when you consider that you cannot help another person change without their
participation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no greater loss than a loss of faith in oneself and
one’s potential. Saying to a child, “Today I’m going to have you teach me what
you notice about yourself and if we discover something new, we can help other
students too” is empowering. Children often have tremendous clarity about their
own situation and by identifying for themselves what’s not working and where
and how they get lost, they can actually give a teacher or parent the
information they need to teach effectively. To share this information, however,
a child has to have confidence that the adults around them accept them
unconditionally as they are, believe in their capacity for improvement and who
support them every step of the way, even when the pace seems excruciatingly
slow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When people care too little or we refer to someone as being
“too detached,” it means their emotions are not engaged or are not
obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often someone in this category
may feel numb as a result of professional burn-out. This can occur as a result
of initially caring too much. The pain of not being able to help a child
(especially when internalized as failure) or change social injustice can so
overwhelm that a person instead reverts to a less painful idea – that it’s just
not possible to help certain types of people or situations. Impossibility
becomes permission to avoid the struggle or to take a break from it, which
someone may actually need but which doesn’t make their belief in impossibility
true.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In contrast, a teacher who starts out detached yet engaged
does not feel the emotional need to make absolute statements about anyone or
anything. They can work with the breadth of information that is available in
the present moment, aware of rules and exceptions while keeping an eye out for
completely new solutions that arise. This is a far more interesting way to
work. Deep meditation practice helps adults develop a healthier relationship
with the present moment and a better sense of what is within our control and
what is not. When we acknowledge what we cannot control, we create space for
change to arise on its own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Caring too much</span> arises from
a belief that we should be in control when we’re not. We do not have the power
to change the world; not by ourselves. We only have the power to change
ourselves. Detachment is a type of caring that does not attempt to control or
identify with progress or lack of progress as success or failure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It arises from the direct experience during
meditation retreat that control is impossible. It is an illusion. The ability
to observe reality and respond to it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as
it is</i> is far more powerful. The good news is that even failure to change
social injustice has benefits. A lifetime of doing good in the world, serving
others and refining oneself yields at the very least a peaceful death –
something we in the modern world often fail to contemplate. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Endurance and clarity <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we are honest with ourselves, we can notice that when we
try to force self-change or eradicate something about ourselves that we don’t
like, often that aspect of ourselves gets worse. Once we develop patience with
our own issues, we learn how we change. Then we can then help others do their
own work of self-change. Even then, we are not changing others. They are
changing themselves. It is very important to help someone else from a place of
acceptance rather than aversion to where they are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A common assumption is that Buddhist monks and nuns feel
peace all the time when in fact, they often have a luminous glow of peace on
their faces because they are completely open to suffering. They are choosing an
incredibly difficult life and their resistance to suffering diminishes so that
over time, they have an outward appearance of beauty and refinement. They have
been carved by their openness and willingness to be present with suffering, to
explore it and to understand it. Just as facing the initial boredom, discomfort
and pain of physical exercise makes a person physically stronger and more
beautiful over time, mindfulness is mental exercise. The longer one has
exercised one’s body and mind, the more effortless challenges become. Running a
mile might seem daunting to someone who is just beginning to exercise but
effortless to someone who has trained for a half-marathon. In the same way, a
child with special needs who is exasperated by the emotional pain of facing
daily mental challenges over time can develop great patience and ability in the
face of difficult circumstances.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">The importance of choice and
free-will<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If children in special education fail to progress, it might
be because no one is giving them a choice and they are expected to be passive
recipients of instruction rather than directing their own process of self
improvement. There is a lesson I teach about success and failure. I write two
sentences “I am a success” and “I am a failure.” Which of these two sentences
is more dangerous? Take a moment to consider your beliefs about both statements
before continuing to read.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My view: both of these statements are dangerous.
Over-achieving students can commit suicide because their mantra is “I am a
success, my family history is one of success and I must not bring dishonor to
my family or myself.” In short, failure is unacceptable. They have
over-identified with the concept of success. Conversely there are students who so
strongly believe “I am a failure, my family history is one of failure and
suffering, I have always been and always will be a failure” that they cannot
find the motivation to try to change themselves. Mindfulness is about the
middle way. Truth lies between the extremes. My mantra is “failure is part of
success.” If you’ve ever learned to ride a bike, you know that every time a
person tries and falls off of a bike (often crashing) that fall is a failure but
with each failure, the brain is learning. We don’t know everything about the
brain. All we know is that after a certain number of tries (and failures), the
brain figures it out at an unconscious, automatic level. Suddenly you are
riding the bike effortlessly for the first time and even you are surprised by
this event! This ability to learn, to adapt and change is miraculous. While
waiting for change, we often feel impatient but once change occurs in ourselves
or in our society, we realize how miraculous it is that it even occurred at
all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">The value of struggle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-change has automatic and exponential repercussions. It
can inspire countless others so that goals that seemed out of reach for decades
suddenly become accessible. For example, participants in the 1960s civil rights
movement did not expect to see an African-American president in their lifetimes
but it happened. The change they started with so much suffering, horror, blood
and tears decades before culminated in a joy celebrated the world over. When
Gandhi’s non-violence movement liberated India, it was miraculous. Yet this is
why we are all here: to change ourselves over not years, but decades. Change is
painful as much as it is miraculous. It requires tremendous courage and faith
in ourselves, in our process. Patience at the outset is especially critical. If
you think of it in terms of human evolution, a few decades is nothing yet the
message of long-term patience is missing from our cultural mythology. We
celebrate the accomplishments of people like Einstein, Beethoven, Gandhi,
Lincoln and Aung Sang Suu Kyi without giving children an accurate understanding
of the profound struggles of their lives. Their struggles are just as important
as their accomplishments because those stories give us the patience and
endurance we need to face our own struggles. Indeed to struggle is to change,
to evolve.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Joy and struggle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s look at the bike riding analogy again, this time from
the perspective of a child with special needs. The critical piece of learning how
to ride a bike, in my view, is the desire to ride the bike. A child can fall
again and again and again without losing their enthusiasm and commitment to
their goal of riding a bike. When they look back on their experience of
learning to ride a bike, often it’s a happy memory despite the failures (we
enjoy looking back and laughing about how and where we crashed). This dynamic
would completely change if the child did not want to learn how to ride a bike
and was forced to ride and fall every day. The failure and identification with
failure would become the child’s reality. This would not be a happy memory.
This creates a conundrum for adults who are trying to teach special needs
children academic standards. You could argue that a child might never want to learn
math in the same way they are motivated to learn how to ride a bike, yet there
is always someone who can teach a difficult subject in a way that is inspiring
and motivating, who can bring that level of passion and commitment to
self-learning into a classroom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">Change is inevitable but seems
slow, the path long<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While there are no panaceas, breaking obstacles down into
bite-size pieces or smaller stepping stones makes success accessible. Start
with the tiniest increment of struggle. Stop and get feedback from the child.
Build an understanding of struggle into academic curricula. Praise the child
for each of these small, seemingly irrelevant increments of struggle and
change. They are becoming stronger! They are evolving!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are fighting social injustice, take heart that you
are just as strong as special education students. Just as they struggle daily to
speak, to move, to read, to write, to understand algebra and connect with others,
you too can successfully struggle to progress. Identify the smallest piece of
social injustice that you are willing to struggle with and take it on with
patience, engagement and a lifetime commitment. When it comes to facing social
injustice, all of us need to be gentle and patient with ourselves, whether we
are activists or a lame duck president. The journey of 1000 miles begins with
small, often difficult steps but together over decades our collective steps
carve a mighty path forward – despite of or perhaps <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> of our disabilities. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you want to know the value of your good work in the
world, do not look to the world – where in a single moment, resistance to
change can seem far more powerful than the inevitable undercurrent of
evolution. Look within yourself with patience. In that stillness, your heart
will tell you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 15px;">Copyright </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">©</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 15px;"> January 2017 by Ellen McCarty. All rights reserved.</span></div>
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Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-38007354236713441592016-03-31T09:34:00.000-07:002016-03-31T09:41:13.459-07:00When “calm” is a four-letter word<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "times new roman";">A
meditation master will never instruct students to be calm; he simply invites students
to be present. Calm is not discussed until advanced stages of meditation
practice when students are reminded that any attachment to calm or pleasant
mental states is simply that – an attachment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Calm is a
side-effect of mindfulness, not the goal. Misinformation about this has very
real consequences for young students. Teens tend react with aversion to the
word “calm,” rolling their eyes during a session of mindfulness instruction, because
on some level they know it’s not a correct mindfulness teaching. Asian meditation
masters do not use the word “calm.” They talk about cultivating detachment and letting
go of preferences for pleasant or unpleasant experiences. They tell students to
focus on their breath and to create space for whatever mental states arise
without trying to control them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">n advanced stages of meditation practice,
masters even warn students against attachment to calm, or pleasant mental states.
This is because the long-term goal of meditation practice is to diminish
attachment and aversion and in doing so, to develop an equanimous mind capable
of facing and healing suffering. In short, we cannot heal what we cannot face.
To insist on calm mental states in school is to instruct students to turn their
attention away from that which needs healing. This creates a culture of denial
as well as dangerous expectations in students that something is wrong with them
if they don’t feel non-stop calm and happiness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Let’s start with
some examples of why it’s not correct to tell students to shift their mental
states to calm when practicing mindfulness in education. Then I’ll explain why I
prefer to use the word “quiet” instead of “calm.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Example #1</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">: Always practice mindfulness techniques
on yourself first before teaching them to others. If you’re upset and someone
says to you, “calm down,” do you feel more or less upset? Probably more upset.
If you really want someone to cool down, it’s usually best to give the person
space to feel what they need to feel until the upset burns out on its own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Example #2</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">: You don’t need to feel calm and
peaceful to finish your work. Lots of people feel all kinds of unpleasant mental
states throughout the day, power through them and achieve great success.
Negative mental states are not something to fear or to eradicate. They are
something we need to learn to face, work with and through. As the mind becomes
accustomed to unpleasant difficulty, it adapts and difficulties begin to yield
wisdom, perspective and creative solutions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Example #3</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">: Emotions and mental states are like
weather. They arise and pass away of their own accord. We cannot control them;
we can only observe them or choose to shift our attention to our breath or
another object. This is our only power. Anyone who has done 7 hours of daily sitting meditation for 2 or 3-months at intensive meditation retreats knows that
everyone hits a wall at some point. The calm dries up and reality remains. We
cannot force calm. We cannot request calm. It arises and passes away of its own
accord. If we could control our emotions and mental states, there would be far
less suffering in the world. There would be no addiction, no jealousy. One of
the profound truths of meditation practice is that we are not in control.
Fortunately we can reconcile this with the realization that we do not need as
much control as we think we do. At its full capacity, our mind is a crucible of
tremendous power. It is able to face and transform its suffering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">More and more
I’ve heard the word “calm” presented as the goal of mindfulness, in the media and among school counselors and teachers who have minimal or no meditation
experience. Most likely the misuse of “calm” began with a failure to understand
neuroscience. Americans have confused “physiological calming” of the nervous
system (which recent neuroscience tells us occurs when students observe their mindful breathing) with a “calm mental state.” Calming the nervous system is different
from shifting one’s mental state from upset to calm. The term “physiological”
refers to physical body function, not the mind function. Although they are
related, this is an important distinction. I’ve heard counselors and teachers
telling defiant students to change their mental states to calm, when what they
mean to say is not “calm down” but “quiet down.” Quiet is a much more practical
goal. You are accepting the upset in children but asking them to respect their
environment. We cannot choose our mental states but we can choose our behavior.
A person can feel turbulent on the inside and still remain quiet, or at least
turn down the volume, on the outside. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Quiet can lead
to calm, but only if the word “calm” remains a silent, unspoken possibility -
not a goal. A mindfulness instructor should always model the mental states he
wants students to experience, but never demand that others feel them, which is
just an act of aversion rather than acceptance of what is. When we tell
students to feel calm rather than be quiet, we are asking them to deny their
own realities rather than acknowledge and heal them. As mindfulness instructors
we can diminish our aversion to unpleasant experiences and attachment to calm through
long-term meditation practice, humble observation and by being honest about
what is happening – not by denying reality. When we as instructors demonstrate
the ability to face enormously unpleasant experiences, we provide a model for
students to follow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This is
especially important when teaching students in special education. I witnessed an
upset student with high-functioning autism repeatedly being told to shift his
mental state to calm all day long by all the adults around him, who implored
him to “breathe!” A highly sensitive student with a very mathematical and
literal mind, he tried very hard. His tortured efforts to achieve calm sounded
like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">“I’m trying, I’m
trying, I’m trying…. I’m bad, I’m bad, I’m evil, I’m evil.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">No matter how
much he tried, he could not change his mental state from upset to calm and,
while I can’t definitively say why he was saying “I’m bad, I’m evil,” I
interpreted this reaction as similar to the reaction that many beginners have
when they first try practicing mindfulness or meditation: they take a moment
to be quiet, notice unpleasant sensations and immediately come to the
conclusion that they are not good at mindfulness and quit. The expectation of a
calm experience sabotages our ability to recognize correct practice - that in
fact noticing what is actually happening is far more important than feeling a
pleasant mental state. This student with autism may have decided he was
defective because he couldn’t magically transform his mental state to “calm” as
instructed. In this context, it is not the student who is bad, but the word
“calm.” It is a four-letter word that should not be used to instruct. Mindfulness
instructors should model calm, not demand it of others. When I began working
with this student, he reported to me that his upset felt like heat in his body
– a very perceptive observation. I told him not to try to make the heat go
away, but to simply observe it until it cooled. I told him there was nothing
wrong or evil about being upset. It just means he is human – just like me, just
like everyone else. Unpleasant mental states are not a big deal. They arise and
pass away just like pleasant ones, just like the weather. We acknowledge them
and then shift our attention elsewhere when it’s appropriate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">While we are
powerless to control the clouds of negative mental states that pass over our
hearts, we can open our hearts to what is – pleasant or unpleasant – and learn
to work with all forms of experience. When we accept our human imperfections,
not attached to “good” mental states or fearful of “bad” mental states,
detachment arises on its own and with it, calm. The moment we hold on too
tightly to calm, a Buddhist concept known as “grasping,” the calm we seek slips
away from us. It arises only when we do not seek it but instead work to stay
present (with gentleness and love) with what is. That means facing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> the aspects of our selves and our
lives including those aspects that make us feel profound aversion and pain. It
also means not forcing others to face their aversion and pain until they are
ready.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This mindful process
of opening the mind and heart to the full experience of our selves and our
lives is a practice of discovery. When we choose it, there is no limit to the
self-change and mental and physical well-being we can create for ourselves. When
others prematurely force the concept of calm on us to control our behavior - when
it is not our choice and we misunderstand it - the end result can be damaging
and stop all progress on the mindfulness path. Don’t use “calm” to control
others. Keep the calm to yourself. If you are truly calm yourself, it will be
evident to others and serve as a quiet source of inspiration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">I’ve found that
students with high functioning autism are usually right about most subjects and
I always carefully contemplate what they say before correcting them in any way.
When working with anxious students with autism, for example, often they will
report accurately that their emotions are beyond their control. This is actually
one of the first meditation insights into reality. Another insight is that what
we don’t know far exceeds what we know. If we acknowledge the vast unknown, we allow
each person’s mindfulness practice to unfold on its own without interfering or
trying to control. We ask students to tell us what they notice and then use the
Socratic method of questioning to guide them toward other aspects they might
notice as well but we remain humble, scientific and in hypothesis-mode rather
than claiming "right" answers. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We never
tell students that what they have noticed is wrong because aspects of truth are
possessed by all people even those who are emotionally disturbed and what seems
like delusion in one moment can bloom into truth in the next. If you have sat
for months in silence and faced yourself and your own demons, you are humbled
and freed by that awareness. If you have not yet spent months on silent
retreat, I highly recommend it. We can always practice mindfulness with others
but we cannot guide others until we truly know ourselves and are willing to
face our own suffering as well as the suffering in others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">The student with
high-functioning autism who had been so traumatized by “calm-based” mindfulness
instruction – equating his breath with his failure to control his emotions – was
hyperventilating any time he watched his breath. As a result I could not use mindful
breathing as a technique with him. Instead I took him outside and asked him to
notice sounds. He spent a long time standing below the trees, with his head
tilted skyward. As he listened to the wind, the birds, to the sounds of
airplanes and cars, he calmed down naturally. I never forced him to use this
technique but anytime he was extremely upset, I asked him how he would like to
manage his upset. He began to do his mindful listening practice automatically
during or right before periods of upset – stepping outside for a few minutes to
shift his attention to the physical world and then returning to his work when
he felt better. Ironically because I invited him to be present and not calm, his
calm demeanor arose all by itself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: "times new roman";">Copyright
2016 by Ellen McCarty. All rights reserved.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-85146557763729177712014-05-27T20:12:00.000-07:002014-05-27T20:26:26.037-07:00Tiger Mother & the Lotus Heart<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: green;">When tiger parents teach
mindfulness aggressively to their children as a means of ambition, they fail to
realize what monastics have known for thousands of years: true power arises when
discipline is combined with the soft gentleness of a lotus heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When leaving one of my family mindfulness workshops in
Silicon Valley, I overheard a father saying to his 6-year-old daughter, “We’re
going to go home and you’re going to sit for fifteen minutes absolutely still.
And if you can’t sit still for 15 minutes, you’re going to sit for another 15
minutes and then another - until you can do it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s a common and dangerous misconception. This father was
very sincere during my workshop and easily accessed the deep calm of mindfulness
practice. He had good intentions for his daughter but an entirely wrong
approach to mindfulness instruction. Fortunately I caught the moment and was
able to clarify for him what mindfulness is and is not. I reassured him that my
assignment of 30 seconds of daily practice for his daughter was more than
enough time for such a young child. If carried out, his plan could have damaged
his daughter’s self esteem and given her a deep hatred of mindfulness, which
should always be a safe space for personal growth not yet another measure of
failure in our standards-obsessed culture. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh, whom Martin Luther King, Jr. once nominated
for the Nobel Peace Prize, emphasized how to properly ring a bell when I
studied meditation with him in France in 1997. “We invite the bell to ring,” he
said. “We do not strike the bell.” This quality of gentleness captures the
correct relationship to ourselves and others during mindfulness practice. We
invite our children to practice mindfulness. We create a safe space that they
are grateful to experience. There are teachers and parents who are “bell strikers,”
who teach mindfulness almost as a form of punishment, hissing, “Be mindful!”
when actually a soft ring of the bell and gentle modeling of correct practice is
the only effective delivery system. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Tiger parents want the best for their children but perhaps
their definition of success is too narrow. We need to ask ourselves, what is
most valuable in life: success, happiness or health? Most people would answer
happiness or health yet tiger parents push their children so hard toward
success that health and happiness can be compromised. In my mindfulness work
with families since 2011, I have witnessed children under extreme academic
pressure who have health problems like ulcers and tearing out their
hair. I’m not talking about children born into poverty. These are
middle and upper class children who are considered gifted or who have learning
disabilities. Tiger parents too often decide that academic success is more
important than their children’s mental or physical health even though without
health, a person has far less value in the workplace. This excessive effort to
achieve success creates imbalances with serious consequences.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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One of the most important qualities of a mindfulness teacher
is patience with oneself and others and a willingness to let things unfold
rather than forcing progress. This is never clearer to me than when instructing
children with learning disabilities or emotional problems. Parents of children
with special needs often suffer intense stress. I do not judge them and do my
best to support them with my mindfulness instruction. Unfortunately adults
reacting with stress and impatience to a child’s condition create stress in the
child as well. Scientific research tells us that stress exacerbates learning disabilities
as well as emotional problems. This means that when adults are unable to accept
unconditionally a child’s current state, their aversion ironically sabotages
potential solutions. If they could accept a child’s current difficulties with
calm and patience, the child’s stress would diminish – a good first step in the
right direction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Despite our modern culture, we have an ancient dysfunction in
that we often cannot accept our own or another person’s imperfections. At the
Olympic Games in Ancient Greece, there were no silver medals only gold. Communities
shunned any athlete who came in second. I see this intense aversion to imperfection
in modern advertisements, in the social comments people make about others in
unfortunate situations. We are attached to superiority, to placing first. In
contrast while Buddhist monastics strive for personal refinement, they practice
intense discipline with an attitude of gentle kindness rather than aversion to
imperfection. In this context, there is no attitude of superiority or
inferiority, both of which are considered forms of mental illness. Because of
this inherent kindness towards self and others, the Dalai Lama was unable to
comprehend the concept of self-hatred, which seems much more universal in
industrialized nations. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we adults want to eradicate rather than accept with kindness children’s
imperfections, we make them fear the places where they fall short of
expectation and plant seeds of self-hatred in their little minds that make it
very difficult for them to then face and find solutions to their difficulties. I like to offer an antidote to self-hatred in the form of a
mathematical analogy:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perfection<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Imperfection<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Neither is true<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Japanese cultivate Bonsai trees, beautiful symbols for the
process of gradual self-refinement. The tiniest snip here and there, the
smallest adjustments. This is what the path of enduring change looks like. True
perfection is actually attention to imperfection that is interested, patient
and creative. There is attention to detail as well as to the big picture.
Refinement is a work of joy, not aversion. It is an art form. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Parents and teachers often want instant solutions, a silver
bullet, for problems and this is unfortunate because a fast solution often
means it won’t hold. Deadline pressure only increases stress in children who become
impatient with their own process rather than learning the power of patience. In
reality the smallest improvement - the smallest increment of change - will also
be the most enduring form of change. For the 6-year-old girl, that increment is
30 seconds of daily mindfulness practice. When that becomes easy, add another
30 seconds. With that level of incremental change over a long period of time, that
little girl will easily sit for an hour a day by the time she is a young adult.
Having increased her discipline so patiently and gently, she will have
cultivated a mindfulness practice that will bring her no harm, only protection.
Can we commit 15 years to achieving a goal or overcoming a challenge? Can we be
so patient? When we want instant success right now, we often fail to see the
right course of action. We pick the fruit before it ripens. We spoil our lives with
impatience and its sister emotion, discouragement.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Patience, acceptance and incremental change are all part of
moderation, a key tenet of Buddhist philosophy. It is through moderation that
we are able to find the right balance of success and giving, effort and rest.
For ambitious nations, moderation can be a difficult concept to grasp. In the
late 90s when I was practicing meditation in Burma completing 91 days of silent
retreat, I forced myself to practice sitting meditation for 3 hours at a time
believing I would progress faster. One day my teacher told me that sitting more
than one hour at a time was unnecessary, that walking meditation is just as
valuable as sitting meditation. It was an ah-ha moment for me. I realized I was
being ambitious and aggressive rather than patient and receptive. It was a call
to gentleness. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s funny to think of now, my younger self sitting there
with all of that unnecessary effort: where was I going? More importantly, where
are we all going? Excessive striving may yield financial wealth but how much
money equals true happiness or true security? Our ecosystem and stress levels (and
stressed health) are asking us to slow down, take less – only as much as we
need instead of as much as we can grab. Is our drive for perfection and excess driven by fear or a
need for superiority or a need to belong? If it is, can we take time to stop
and find a middle way through our choices? What would our world look like if we made decisions based on moderation rather than stress, which is a form of
fear?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The stress, forcefulness and urgency we subject children to
while educating their minds is also unnecessary. Excessive ambition and stress
zaps energy and health for everyone involved: students, teachers and parents.
In contrast, discipline practiced with patience preserves energy and creates
greater endurance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reminds me of a
biblical passage: “those with faith… will renew their strength. They will soar
on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not
faint.” Isaiah 40:31. Patience and commitment to slow evolution, to the long
road of our lives, is the greatest expression of faith.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mindfulness is about paying attention to ourselves, to
others and to the world around us. When we pay attention, we progress through challenges
with the right amount of effort. When we become out of balance or overly stressed,
we are able to correct these imbalances by adjusting our choices – not in a
one-time spectacular New Year’s Eve resolution, but in a daily practice of
subtle pruning and nurturing. We become the Bonsai tree. We become a work of
art.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Children with learning disabilities can teach us about
acceptance of imperfections as we work to improve ourselves. Instead of pushing
children with learning disabilities to be exactly like everyone else (as
quickly as possible), we can help them shine in their own unique way. If
honored for who they are rather than being measured against a harsh standard,
they may discover entirely new ways of doing things. When we create a safe
space for ourselves and our children and pay attention together, we notice more
and more options and solutions. We become open and creative rather than
restrictive and fearful. When we have the discipline to face our difficulties and
the gentleness not to take those difficulties so seriously – when we trust our
lives to unfold - the impossible slowly and gradually becomes possible. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Copyright 2014 by Ellen McCarty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All rights reserved.<o:p></o:p></div>
Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-16295068498267246582012-08-29T17:14:00.001-07:002012-08-29T17:14:43.899-07:00My interview with Bay Area Parent magazine
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bay Area Parent magazine published an article about my mindfulness lessons for families with children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder in their Sept. 2012 issue. Below is a transcript of the complete interview for readers who want the full
context.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1. Please introduce
yourself. How did you get into your line of work? What are your credentials?
Where do you currently live and work?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Ellen McCarty, mindfulness instructor, <a href="http://www.ellenmccarty.com/"><span style="color: #003ec4;">www.ellenmccarty.com</span></a></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">An SFBA native, I earned my undergraduate and graduate
journalism degrees in four years at Northwestern University. During that time,
I began practicing meditation and yoga to cope with my stress-level. After
graduating in 1997, I accepted a marketing job in Switzerland and signed up for
a 1-week retreat with Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh in Plum Village, France.
That week changed my life. I had dedicated </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">16 y<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">ears of my life
to understanding the academic world and at that point, I decided I wanted to
invest more time in understanding myself. A year later in 1998 I ordained as a
temporary Buddhist nun in Burma. For me that ordination was secular in nature.
As I saw it, I was beginning my studies in eastern psychology – an ancient
understanding of the human mind. I spent 70 days on silent retreat and then
returned in 2000 for another 21 days. When I returned to the States, I taught
English to Burmese monks living in San Jose, Calif. and continued my meditation
practice under their guidance. Working with children with severe emotional
problems happened by accident. As a freelance journalist in my 20s, I also
worked as a part-time nanny to supplement my income and discovered I had an
ability to reach children whom others considered unreachable. I developed a
secret code game for them based on my own mindfulness practice to help these children
understand their minds. I now work for the Oakland-based non-profit Mindful
Schools. I also teach my own private lessons and workshops. To date I’ve taught
mindfulness to more than 700 children in the San Francisco Bay Area including
those with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.</span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">2. Can you please describe mindfulness for those of us who don’t
know what it is?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Mindful Schools’ definition of mindfulness is “a particular way
of paying attention. It is the mental faculty of purposefully bringing
awareness to one’s experience. Mindfulness can be applied to sensory experience,
thoughts, and emotions by using sustained attention and noticing our experience
without reacting.” Mindful Schools also posts on their website the power of
this practice: “Mindfulness creates space, changing impulsive reactions to
thoughtful responses.”</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I would add that mindfulness is not about becoming perfect. It’s
not about being peaceful 100% of the time. Mindfulness is about knowing oneself
as you are. The more we know about our own minds, the more we can help
ourselves and others. Judgment of oneself and others can be incredibly
destructive. When we learn to accept a moment of who we are with kindness and
objectivity, then happiness, change and healing are possible.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">3. How can a parent teach mindfulness? How is it different from
teaching mindfulness to an adult?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">A parent has to learn and practice mindfulness before teaching
it. Intensive retreat is an ideal format for adults to learn mindfulness but
barring that, lessons are the next best option. An effective mindfulness
curriculum for children is simpler than for adults but just as powerful. When I
first began teaching for Mindful Schools, I was surprised by how powerful the
lessons were despite their simplicity. By teaching mindfulness to families as
well as children, I’ve learned that every child and family is unique. My
constant challenge is to teach specific mindfulness tools but also addresses
individual needs and issues. It’s important to provide age-appropriate
instruction and, especially for young children, keep it light and fun.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">4. What, specifically, do you think kids can get out of learning
how to live mindfully?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Mindful Schools, in collaboration with UC Davis’ Department of
Psychology, just completed the largest study to date on mindfulness in
education. The study of 829 elementary school students showed improvement in
all four target development catagories: physical, mental, social and emotional.
You can read additional research data at <a href="http://www.mindfulschools.org/about-mindfulness/research/"><span style="color: #6b006f; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">www.mindfulschools.org/about-mindfulness/research/</span></a>.
I would add that from a happiness point-of-view, mindfulness teaches
children how to observe their experience with kindness and objectivity instead
of judgment and knee-jerk reactions. For children suffering from emotional
extremes like rage and severe anxiety, mindfulness can be an extraordinary
relief. It gives them a psychological road map they can understand and the
means to navigate these difficult emotions.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">5. Can you walk me through a mindful play exercise?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">My secret code game can seem counter-intuitive because it does
not judge children who misbehave and act out. Instead it allows children,
through play, to first identify their mental states (eg: red = anger, yellow =
fear, green = happy) and then understand cause and effect (what causes certain
mental states) by experimenting with their own actions and words and noticing
how it changes their color. During a mindful play exercise I always maintain a
neutral, kind demeanor toward children no matter what their reactions. My job
as a mindfulness instructor is to remain objective and non-judgmental.
Ironically we cannot help a person change until we accept unconditionally who
they are now. I’ll give you an example. Anger is a defense against pain. It’s
there for a reason. When we judge a person who is angry, that person will hold
on tighter to who they are because they feel attacked and need to defend
themselves from more pain. Understanding lessens pain. When we accept
unconditionally who a person is, tell that person we understand them and care
about them even when they are “code red,” we create the loving space they need
to face the difficult work of self-change. I gave an ED (emotionally disturbed)
Special Day classroom the assignment to do a task the students didn’t want to
do and watch how their codes changed during the beginning, middle and end of
the task. One student said he cried the entire time when he did an undesirable
school assignment because the discipline was so painful (he labeled this mental
state “code red”). When he finished the work, he discovered he was code green!
He was smiling and happy that he had completed the work. Had I or his teacher
added judgment to that scenario, or a lecture about the importance of finishing
his work, I believe the experience would’ve been too painful for him to try.
Because the context of doing this task was a game, this student could push
himself and face his difficulties. I believe that curiosity, laughter and fun
are the best antidotes to resistance to self-change.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">6. You work with children with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. What
are some common themes that you see in kids diagnosed with ODD?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">My theory as a mindfulness instructor is that children with ODD
have trouble understanding cause and effect. They perceive themselves as the
victims not the perpetrators at all times even if they initiate a conflict. As
a result they feel a constant need to defend themselves. Life is exceptionally
frustrating and painful for these children and they tend to be intense and have
difficulty accessing their sense of humor and playfulness. Defiance cuts across
all socioeconomic catagories. My work began with the children of wealthy
families and continues today with children from a range of economic
backgrounds. Caring for a child who is emotionally disturbed can be
overwhelming for a parent so when I think of someone with ODD, I think of them
as part of a family ecosystem where everyone needs help, especially if the
parents and siblings have been dealing with this for a long time and are
experiencing burn-out and negative emotions themselves. If the family is
judging the child or reacting harshly, it’s my belief that the child will not
progress. Not judging the family is important for the family’s healing process
as well so I try to provide them the mindfulness tools they need to process
negative reactions in a way that doesn’t communicate judgment to the child with
ODD.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">When children with ODD feel judged (even though it may be
judgment that arises as a result </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">of their cruel speech or actions), they increase
their defenses and react<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> with greater negativity.
The instinct at that moment at home or in the classroom is to label the child
as “bad” and try to drill into them the idea that they need to be “good.” I
believe this backfires because it creates more pain in the child. If an adult
has aversion to a child and wants to “fix” the child or get rid of a problem,
typically this only exacerbates the situation and the problem gets worse. This
doesn’t mean that acceptance is easy. That’s where I come in. As a secular
meditation practitioner for 15 years, I am not overwhelmed by extreme emotions.
I can come into that ecosystem with the objectivity, kindness and spirit of fun
that I believe is necessary for change to occur. One analogy is to think of how
you would feel if you had the following choice. You have a big problem. In one
room are a group of people (big adults) who love you but hate your problem and
want it to go away and who react to it negatively. You know they are unhappy to
see you and your problem. In the next room is a group of smiling adults who are
happy to see you even when your problem manifests and want to help you with a
spirit of patience and fun. In which room would you be more able to face your
problem and change? Which room would you choose? Unfortunately rejection of a
person’s problem always feels like a rejection of the person. The challenge
then becomes to set firm boundaries while not sending a message that you are
rejecting the child.</span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">7. What are the major differences in the way that you approach ODD
kids compared to other therapeutic methods?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">I cannot speak to other therapeutic models because I’m not
trained in them but I believe that mindfulness is an excellent tool that is
compatible with traditional family therapy. The Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics,
19</span><sup><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 13.0pt;">th</span></sup><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;"> Edition, states that ODD is characterized by “a persistent
pattern of angry outbursts, arguing, vindictiveness and disobedience generally
directed at authority figures such as parents and teachers. The patient with
this conductor disorder typically shows little concern for the rights or needs
of others.” The textbook goes on to say that parent management training for
addressing ODD includes “developing a warm, supportive relationship with the
child, child-directed interaction and play and providing clear and consistent
rules with consistent consequences.” My mindfulness game helps create that
healthy system of parent management of children with ODD. On this front,
medical science and mindfulness are in agreement. You do not need to raise your
voice or criticize a child to lay down the law. You can set boundaries with a
smile and sweetness and this makes boundaries less threatening and less
painful. I believe mindfulness goes a step further in that if the child takes
to my secret code game for example, they are now applying the scientific method
to potentially all of their interactions with the world and have a concrete way
to measure the results of their choices and actions before, during and after an
action takes place. This self-awareness empowers the child to see that being a
good person doesn’t mean letting go of the need for self-preservation and
self-defense. With mindfulness, children directly experience that being good
makes them happy. In other words, being good can be its own defense.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">8. How can parents use mindfulness to help children suffering from
ODD?</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">There are three main mindfulness tools for parents dealing with
ODD. The first is objective communication (rather than judgmental or accusatory
communication). The second is creating consistent and firm boundaries with a
neutral tone of voice. This is far more effective than authoritarian overly-harsh
discipline or no discipline at all. Finally parents need to develop patience
with negative emotions in themselves and their children and cultivate the
mindfulness skill of observing instead of reacting. If a child’s extreme
emotions cannot derail you emotionally as a parent, then the child will start
to see that the emotions are not so powerful. This is a benefit for two
reasons. Firstly if a child is manipulating adults with extreme emotions in
order to be able to do whatever they want, the parental ability to stay present
with those extreme emotions and demonstrate that the emotions don’t bother them
sends a message to the child that their extreme emotions are not a form of
power. If a child is indeed manipulating a situation with extreme emotions, when
suddenly they react and don’t get what they want despite their emotional
outbursts, eventually the child will understand that their emotions are not
powerful and will let go of those extreme reactions in favor of healthy
behavior that is rewarded. This takes time however and depending on how deeply
entrenched the habits have become, a parent may have to stomach negative
reactions for a long time in order to prevail. The second benefit is that if a
parent treats these negative emotions as no big deal, everyone relaxes
(including the siblings of children with ODD). If a child’s extreme emotions
are sincere, they can frighten that child and siblings. If a parent
demonstrates that the emotion is okay and that they can handle it, the children
will be less afraid of their own difficult mental states and stabilize enough
to begin navigating them effectively. This said, it can take years to teach
mindfulness effectively. If you haven’t practiced mindfulness or been trained
to teach it, then trying to apply these mindfulness tools will most likely not
be effective. Like yoga, mindfulness is a skill that involves the physical
body. Although we can read about it, applying mindfulness is not an
intellectual, analytical exercise. As a mindfulness instructor, I have the ability
to teach children about cause and effect while also modeling for them the
emotions I want them to try out themselves. It helps if the parents are willing
to acknowledge to the child their own negative emotions and communicate about
them in an objective, fun way. “I feel a lot of anger in my body right now.
Isn’t that interesting? What should I do?” This empowers the child to let go of
defenses and inspires their curiosity so that they are more likely to
investigate their own severe emotions as well.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">9. What can parents do at home with their children — whether or not
they have ODD-- to help foster mindfulness?</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16.0pt;">Take one deep breath and watch that breath from the very
beginning (the “in” breath) until the moment it ends (the end of the “out”
breath). After you concentrate on one entire breath, notice how your body
feels. Then take another breath. Notice your body’s reaction. Have your
children tell you what they notice. Don’t judge what they say. Just listen and
say something like, “Wow, that’s so interesting. I wonder if I can see that in
my own body as well.” If your child enjoys this exercise, begin a bedtime
ritual where your child watches her breath as she falls asleep and you sit
nearby on the floor or in a chair and watch your own breath, one breath at a
time. Even five minutes a day of mindful breathing can be transformative.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-16855754944035489532012-02-20T09:43:00.000-08:002012-02-20T09:43:05.588-08:00Working with Rage in Children<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: blue;">Mindfulness provides a non-judgmental context for children to understand their rage and other overwhelming emotions. While most educational modes of addressing Oppositional Defiant Disorder revolve around children admitting they are “bad” and repeating “I will be good” statements without a psychological road map they can understand, mindfulness helps children grasp that being a good person doesn’t mean letting go of the need for self-preservation and self-defense. With mindfulness, children directly experience that being good can be its own defense.</span></div><br />
One of the first things I say to children with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) is “I’m not here to take away your anger. It’s okay to be angry. Sometimes I need to be angry too.” This statement often results in stunned looks among the children and a visible relaxation of their bodies. To an outsider, this might seem counter-productive. How do you change a child’s behavior by accepting it? I would argue that acceptance is the key to changing a child’s behavior. The next time you are angry and someone says to you “let go of your anger” or “be happy!” notice your reaction. Someone judging your anger will probably make you even angrier. The same is true for children.<br />
<br />
Anger is a defense against pain. It’s there for a reason. To change a child’s anger, you have to help the child understand why the anger is there – by helping them identify their pain – and then exploring various ways to resolve that pain without a lecture. An adult who judges a child’s anger as “bad” creates more pain in the child and therefore increases the need for defense, resulting in an angrier child at worst and at best, a confused child. A child who needs to defend themselves everyday may not even understand what being good feels like and may not feel it is safe to be good (something that may be perceived as weak). Children of any economic strata may need to defend themselves against neglect as well as physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse. Telling children they should “be good” simply because that is what is expected of them doesn’t resolve their need to defend themselves from pain. It’s especially important to remember that if a child faces detrimental adults outside of school, it’s likely that those children will be unable to trust any adult, even if that adult is the most benevolent teacher in the world. Children who have good parents may struggle with mental illness, which I will address here as well.<br />
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You can begin to earn a child’s trust by communicating that you understand their need to defend themselves. Understanding lessens pain. The less pain a child feels, the less they need their defense. The next step is also simple. Angry children are often communicating with their behavior that they need greater control. This need for control may be the result of a horrible real world situation or an overwhelming mental condition. Either way, their world is spinning out of control. One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is the opportunity to teach you (thus wield some control). After communicating my understanding and lack of judgment, I will ask children with ODD to teach me what they notice about their anger. I use my secret code game (written about in its most basic form in an earlier blog) to engage children in this dialogue. One boy recently said to me, “I would rather be code red (rage) than code yellow (which he defined as afraid).” When a child has this kind of insight into themselves, I don’t lecture them about the benefits of not being angry. They’re not ready for that and I want them to learn this truth through direct experience, not simply because I said it. Instead I praise students for noticing what’s really happening and reinforce that they are not bad people for preferring to be angry. The less a child is judged and the greater the opportunity a child has to teach an adult, the more they will open up and begin the process of cultivating self awareness and wisdom. Children – no matter how violent – are pure of heart. Their intentions are pure. They are simply trying to get what they need. Children with ODD often don’t understand the best way to get what they need.<br />
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A third way I establish a connection of trust with a child is to tell them how happy I am to see them. When a child gives me a stunned expression, I know that I may be the first adult in their life to tell them that they make someone happy, that their presence is valuable. I tell a child I am happy to see him for two reasons. Firstly I am creating within the child the foundation of self-confidence and self-worth necessary for the work of self-change. I am also teaching a core value of mindfulness – the notion of non-judgmental attention. When I say to a child who is code red, “I’m happy to see you even when you’re code red,” I am communicating a child’s value to that child. I am separating what the child feels (temporary) from the child’s worth. Too often we criticize children at the very moment when they need our kindness. What is most remarkable about communicating this is that the child will begin to conform to my expectation of him. He will drop out of code red more easily and put more effort into calming himself down in my presence. My unconditional acceptance of who he is makes it safe to change mental states. He doesn’t need to defend himself from me. I become a neutral background to his own process of self-change. Please note: I never tell a child that I am happy to see him if I am not. Children can sense emotions in adults and will know immediately if you are lying. This will backfire.<br />
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After I have children share what they notice about anger (code red), I have them pay attention to other mental states and actions. Again I praise their participation. I ask children who are angry to notice the temperature in their bodies, the way their muscles feel and any other sensations. If a child is able to sit still in code red (rather than act out their rage eg: by hitting someone) I praise that even if they can’t yet calm themselves down. I might say, “I see you’re able to sit still and watch the temperature in your body and that is such a beautiful thing to see.” I’ll tell them that if they want to continue watching the temperature in their bodies, that’s okay but if they can, to try to watch their breath and notice if it changes the temperature in their bodies. This triggers their natural curiosity. For children who have developed a life-long habit of rage, shifting mental states will be very difficult. Any adult who is mindful when angry can easily recognize how difficult it is to let go of this emotion. Curiosity is the best antidote to a child's resistance to self-change. <br />
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Those children who can watch their breath will notice that the temperature in their body cools but don’t tell them that. Let the children teach you. Don’t give away the answers or it will be another meaningless lecture rather than a direct experience of truth. For those children who watch the temperature only, their anger will become more painful. They may start to hit themselves or react against another person. To avoid that, tell the class, “for those of you who do not want to watch your breath, try to notice if code red gets more or less painful.” When children say “It gets more painful” I’ll praise them again. “Great! You noticed that. Now try to see what happens to code red when you watch your breath.” Through this exercise, children have the chance to see that anger is actually painful. Something they thought was defending them from pain is actually exacerbating it. Once children articulate that “ah-ha” moment, you will then have an optimal foundation to introduce experiments with kind behavior. Without giving away the answers, ask the children what they think kindness feels like compared to anger. Before the experiments, children will often say that anger is power and kindness is weakness. To which you can reply, “Wow, I’m so glad you shared that with me! Over the next week, try to be kind either to someone in class or someone at home and notice the different codes kindness makes you feel.” Children can use the basic green-yellow-red code I've written about in an early blog or create their own unique color code. Before they do the experiment, children may say “I feel code yellow” and I’ll remind them gently that they won’t know how kindness makes them feel until they’ve actually tried it and observed how they feel <em>after</em> they are kind to someone else.<br />
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Once children learn how to experiment with behavior and notice their codes, they will begin to apply this game to potentially every area of their life. One student asked me, “Is there a way to watch TV mindfully?” I said, “Yes – we can be mindful of anything. Notice what code you are before you turn on the TV and what code you think you will become by watching TV. Then turn on the TV and notice what code you are when you’re actually watching TV. Notice if your code changes when you turn off the TV.” The student anticipated the result of watching TV by saying, “I’m going to be code green (happy, calm)!” but the next week reported that he was surprised to observe that he felt “code yellow” when he watched TV (yellow being an unpleasant emotion of some kind that is not rage or extreme upset). I asked him why he felt code yellow and he answered that he felt bad that no one was helping his mom. He decided to turn off the TV and go help his mother which he was surprised to notice made him feel “code green.” This child who had received countless lectures about the benefits of being good had finally discovered those benefits for himself.<br />
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Ellen McCarty is a mindfulness instructor in the San Francisco Bay Area. Learn more at <a href="http://www.ellenmccarty.com/">http://www.ellenmccarty.com/</a> or follow her status updates on Facebook at "Ellen McCarty, Mindful Youth." Copyright 2011 by Ellen McCartyEllen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-71617778345750612252011-06-07T11:17:00.000-07:002011-06-17T12:12:32.008-07:00Decoding troubled children<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">My “secret code” game allows children to understand their minds while having fun.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Mindfulness can help troubled children identify and understand mental states, which is the first step in their healing process. Rather than approaching a child as an authoritative adult trying to control behavior, I’ve created a game where the child feels he is in control. Because it is a game, the child is more engaged and more likely to use these mindfulness skills in daily life.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">First I ask the child if he wants to create a "secret code" (the answer is always YES). Then I have him choose two or three colors for the code. The child decides who knows the secret code (parents should be “in” on it but the child should be the one to share it with them). The child can tell their friends and teachers if they wish. For the purpose of this article, I'll choose the colors red, yellow and green (like a traffic light). The color red will represent negative mental states that manifest as destructive behavior. When a child is acting out, he is “code red.” Humans are social animals so I explain to the child that when I see code red, I'll know that the child wants to be left alone. I do this because children who act out at school <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are </i>isolated from normal classes and often from potential friends. Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder may end up in Juvenile Hall. For some children, their code red is so severe that they need to be physically restrained. In this case, instead of leaving the child alone, you can use the language “Your code red is telling me that you don't want to play (a board game, for example).” It's important that the child makes a connection between code red and losing privileges, but it's also critical that the loss of privileges is communicated in a neutral, caring tone that demonstrates that the adult is not judging the child. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Code green represents healthy, kind or disciplined behavior. I'll tell a child that when he’s “code green,” I’ll know that he wants to spend time with me having fun. It's important to reward code green with praise, attention and social interaction. Two colors are probably enough to start with but if the child wants to have a more complicated code by all means, let him create it (be sure to keep a copy of the colors for yourself so you don't forget the code -- your participation is critical). Allowing the child to choose the colors and the code gives him ownership of the game and his healing process.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">While using the “secret code," I remain neutral and non-judgmental toward the child's mental states. This is important for two reasons. Firstly I am modeling the behavior I want the child to emulate, so I want to model self-control and keep a lid on my own negative emotional reactions. The second reason is that I want the child to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">understand</i> his reactions -- not feel guilty about them. If this game lowers a child's self-esteem, then that child will lose interest in the secret code very quickly and understandably so!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">When the child acts out I respond with, “I see you're in code red so I’ll give you some space. I'll be in the next room. When you're code green, come get me and we'll play a game.” This reinforces the idea that negative behavior pushes people away while good behavior attracts friends. The next time the child acts out, I'll ask, “What code are you?” If the child says “code red,” I'll say with a neutral tone, “Okay, no problem. I'll go in the next room.” If the child doesn't want me to leave, that opens an opportunity for dialogue about their mental state. If the child does want to be alone, my respecting his wish and leaving the room proves to the child that the “secret code” game is real. I postpone dialogue in order to win the child's trust.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">If the child wants me to stay, I may say, “Okay, but in order to stay, I have to see code green. What does code green look like?” It's important to be patient and not judgmental at this stage and let the child figure it out. Don't tell him how he should act. The transition between mental states will be slow at first. If the child can't switch gears, I'll ask, “How does code red feel in your body? Where do you feel it?” Most likely it will feel like muscle tension and heat, but don't correct the child. Just listen. Once the child can observe the sensations in their body, you can suggest that the child take one breath and watch the air move in and out (a natural breath, not slow or fast). When it’s over, ask the child how watching the breath affected the physical sensations. Try observing a few more breaths together. Have the child describe how their physical sensations change. At a certain point, you can say, “Guess what? I think you're code green! Am I right?” The child will usually be amazed as well. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 171.75pt;">“How does code green feel?” Asking a child to notice how they feel in code red and green is an important part of their healing process. Healthy, kind, disciplined behaviors always feel better but many children (and adults) don't realize that until they take the time to notice. At first the child will assume code red will feel better than code green. When he discovers the reverse, he may be very surprised. Over time, the child will choose code green for this reason -- because it feels better! If a child notices <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything</i> about code red, be sure to praise him for what he observes (don’t correct him). By praising the child for their mindfulness of negative mental states, you're laying a foundation for self-esteem and greater insight into his mind. When anger is no longer “bad,” but something fascinating to explore and understand, negative emotions become gateways to code green. Over time the transition will be faster.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 171.75pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 171.75pt;">Once the child has a handle on codes red and green, try introducing code yellow. Code yellow is hard to catch. You can set the stage for this new challenge by saying to the child, “You’re ready for the next level of the secret code game!” It's very exciting. Code yellow is the cause of code red. When code red happens, now I not only say “I see you're in code red” but add with a neutral tone “What was your code yellow?” The child may pause for a moment in the middle of acting out to think about it. Be patient and wait for a reply. When he shares, say, “Well, isn't that interesting! Very good! Your mind is getting so much stronger. You can see more and more. Are you proud of yourself because you should be!” You can also say, “Oh yes, I've had that code yellow too.” The child will be very interested to hear about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> negative mental states and over time will start to identify not only his own codes, but yours as well. Celebrate this! Do not get offended if the child catches you in a code red or yellow. Use it as a teaching moment by asking the child, “You're right. I'm in code red/yellow. What should I do?” Let the child fix you. This makes the game fun for him. He'll probably tell you to breathe or ask you how it feels in your body. It's fun to say, “I have tension in my arms and back and it's so painful. What should I do?” As the child is teaching you, he is reinforcing his own mindfulness as well. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 171.75pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 171.75pt;">Over time, the color codes train the child to use language -- rather than acting out -- to get what they need. “I'm code red” becomes “I'm trying not to be angry right now, but I can't help it!” You can relate to this, right? Tell the child you understand and that we all lose control of our emotions sometimes. Tell the child how wonderful it is that he can talk about emotions because then you understand what he needs and how to create happiness. Then look for opportunities to change anger into something funny. For example, paint funny pictures of what you look like when you're really mad. Compare your picture to the child's. If you both laugh, hang them on a wall! A moment of anger becomes a moment of bonding. The next time the child's blood boils, he'll remember how he laughed the last time, and that memory will ease his transition to code green.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Ellen McCarty is a mindfulness instructor in the San Francisco Bay Area. Learn more at <a href="http://www.ellenmccarty.com/">http://www.ellenmccarty.com/</a> or follow her status updates on Facebook at "Ellen McCarty, Mindful Youth."<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Copyright 2011 by Ellen McCarty</div>Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9036268000034130053.post-2441745894520551172011-05-19T17:04:00.000-07:002011-05-28T12:05:51.847-07:00Loving Kindness as Wholeness<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: blue;">Most people assume that meditation is about getting away from suffering. Loving kindness meditation reminds us that the difficult and painful aspects of ourselves are critical to our peace of mind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Warrior cultures are obsessed with eliminating weaknesses and imperfections. Many people begin meditation by incorporating this notion of self-rejection. They only accept the strong, perfected aspects of themselves. They believe that they cannot be happy until they get rid of depression and anxiety, get rid of excessive weight and other weaknesses. Throughout our lives, most of us have been instructed to overcome or medicate difficult mental states rather than understand them. Self-rejection not only fails to make us better people, it often backfires and makes us (feel) worse.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Loving kindness meditation is a practice of reclaiming our weaknesses and imperfections because we need them for wholeness. A moment of suffering arises and instead of trying to get away from it, we create space for the mental state and surround it with loving kindness, which I define as unconditional love and acceptance. We marvel at how fragile the human mind and heart are in the container of life and how as humans we are designed to react to this container. The ability to accept with kindness our suffering and our reactions to suffering is an act of compassion. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">A perfect example of the contrast between self-rejection and loving kindness is Oprah Winfrey's ongoing struggle with her excess weight. She knows it is unhealthy but she can’t understand why it keeps coming back, why she can't get rid of it, why she can’t overcome her habit of over-eating. She is practicing self-rejection, self-hatred. Her excess weight will keep coming back until she accepts herself unconditionally. When we try to change ourselves with self-hatred and self-rejection, we fail because by fracturing ourselves into acceptable and unacceptable parts we cause ourselves tremendous psychological distress which then motivates further self-medication (destruction) with TV, junk food or narcotics and other addictive behaviors.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">You cannot change other people by rejecting who they are and pummeling them with judgment. They will be offended and hold to who they are. Just as we cannot change another person with judgement, we cannot change ourselves by rejecting who we are now. Any lingering issue that won't resolve itself despite all of our efforts most likely needs our loving kindness and compassion, our acceptance. Once a mental state of suffering is unconditionally accepted, often times it dissolves because we are embracing all of who we are. We are whole. For this reason, psychotherapy is invaluable because it helps us reclaim aspects of ourselves that we rejected as children. The very act of bringing an aspect of self out of the subconscious into the light of the conscious mind is a moment of liberation. We are integrating all of who we are and our wholeness<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>–<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>our acceptance of our reality whether it be strength, imperfections, joy, suffering – manifests as peace and well-being.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">We can treat ourselves with loving kindness on many levels. First we become aware of suffering within ourselves and hold that moment with gentle kindness. We can also practice sending loving kindness to ourselves when we become aware of our own inner critic. We accept that the inner critic is part of our human mind but not an accurate judge of who we are. From there we can begin the process of understanding our suffering (rather than just rejecting it and wanting to escape). Understanding is critical to liberation. The more we can accept and be present with the sensations of self-rejection, the less damage external critics cause us. That's because we accept unconditionally our emotional reactions to another person’s rejection of who we are. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Once Oprah Winfrey accepts herself unconditionally, believing that all of her cells are worthy of love – no matter how many there are -- she will enjoy being present with herself. She will enjoy wholeness, rather than suffer rejection. From this state of peace, changing behavior is very simple. We spend one day eating just healthy food and notice how that makes us feel. We spend the next day eating only junk food and notice how that makes us feel. Wholesome, healthy, kind behaviors always make us feel better. Taking a mental picture of how she feels in each case, Oprah can look at those mental pictures whenever she eats and simply choose the behavior that will truly make her feel better. Healthy eating becomes an authentic reward rather than an act of deprivation and rejection. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Many people believe that anger and negative emotions are bad. This an example of self-rejection that promotes a culture of denial. Mindfulness is the opportunity to be honest with ourselves about what's really happening. A moment of anger that is acknowledged, accepted, understood and communicated is far less dangerous than a moment of anger that is repressed. We've all heard about good people who “snapped” because instead of endeavoring to know and understand themselves, they've bought into self-rejection. As <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Seinfeld </i>so brilliantly illustrated, “Serenity now!” is a mantra that often causes the opposite effect. Anger and other strong emotions are defenses against pain that overwhelms us. When we hold strong emotions with compassion, we give ourselves the space to heal until we are ready to face the pain directly. When we deny negative mental states, we cut ourselves off from wholeness and with it, authentic happiness. Someone who rejects themselves via meditation will feel the opposite of wholeness and happiness (and probably not practice meditation for very long). For them the concept “life is suffering” can become the extent of their practice. With loving kindness meditation, we see that suffering provides a doorway to understanding and wholeness. By the same token, yogis who believe they are unacceptable until they have attained enlightenment are practicing self-rejection and are unable to progress in their practice due to their own intolerance.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">A lotus flower blooms in warm sunlight, not the harsh cold of winter. Becoming aware of moments when we treat ourselves harshly is the beginning of our healing process, the beginning of our well-being. When we accept our whole selves with loving kindness and use meditation to be honest about what’s happening and to understand ourselves, being kind and compassionate to others becomes second nature. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">How deeply can you accept with kindness <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> of who you are? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Ellen McCarty recently gave a talk about Loving Kindness Meditation at San Francisco State University for the psychology course "The Science of Happiness.” Learn more about her mindfulness instruction at <a href="http://www.ellenmccarty.com/"><span style="color: purple;">www.ellenmccarty.com</span></a> or post questions about this blog on her Facebook page “Ellen McCarty, Mindful Youth."</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Copyright 2011 by Ellen McCarty<br />
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Please note: I've included the Tao te Ching above because I find it a powerful source of inspiration to help balance the mind and open the heart during retreat. Mindfulness and loving kindness can deepen one's relationship to any religion or spiritual practice, or in the absence of religion, deepen one's understanding of oneself. The Buddha did not claim divinity. One can choose to develop meditation and loving kindness as a spiritual practice or as a practical mental health exercise. For a more universal or cross-cultural view of Buddhism, click book links below.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1573220183/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwellenm-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=1573220183"><img border="0" src="http://ws.assoc-amazon.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&Format=_SL110_&ASIN=1573220183&MarketPlace=US&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&tag=httpwwwellenm-20&ServiceVersion=20070822" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1px" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=httpwwwellenm-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1573220183&camp=217145&creative=399349" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1px" />Ellen McCartyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12007741647847346599noreply@blogger.com2